Ask a Sex Goddess

By Sex Goddess, WireTap
Posted on September 27, 2007, Printed on December 2, 2008
http://www.wiretapmag.org/sex/43251/

Dear Sex Goddess,

I always thought when I got to college I would feel more comfortable about myself and be like normal girls who can just wear their bodies comfortably and make out with and have sex with guys. But I've been here three years and nothing has happened. I feel invisible. My friends aren't helpful, we all stick together like an impenetrable wall at parties and definitely in classes. It's like a lot of stuff comes to mind but nothing comes out of my mouth. I don't want to live like this; I feel untouchable. Any tips besides a complete personality change?

Bordering on Hopeless

Dear Bordering,

It sounds like you are just in the midst of a totally normally phase called 'figuring out who you are.' It's not automatic for all confident people rock their bodies and make out a lot and have sex a lot. It is true that confidence is truly the number 1 hard-to-pin-down thing, which allows folks to see and be seen by each other. It doesn't always look the same -- you may be a future confident introvert! The best piece of advice I can give you is to discover something you are passionate about and skilled at and do it. I bet it's not going to parties with friends and standing around feeling awkward. Maybe its making out ... you are the only one who knows all those wonderful thoughts in your head, your wonderful vision for the world. Stop being selfish and reap the rewards of a confident, passionate life!

Good luck!

SG

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Do you have a question? Email SG at SexAndRelationships@WireTapMag.org.

Rules:

1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.

Click here to access all of SG's sex and relationships wisdom.

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